As an adult I believed that all of my dreams were complete once my children were born. I figured I had experienced everything new and exciting that was possible, but I was determined that my children would have the same opportunity I had to try a new activity and experience something for the first time. My aspirations for them quickly turned into quite a learning experience for me as well.
My initial encounter with Arabians, much less horses, was at my son’s first riding lesson. I was a little perturbed when the instructor insisted I learn how to tack up the horse. I thought, "That is what I’m paying you to do, lady!"
It took me about a month of his lessons to learn how to put it all together…without the bridle. I was far too intelligent to place my fingers anywhere near that animal’s mouth, much less inside it! I was fortunate (other words came to mind at the time) that my son’s instructor had the perseverance to remain inside the office until I got angry enough to actually put the horse’s bridle on. In a matter of seconds, she appeared at the door calling, "Ready?"
White-knuckled Riding
It took me exactly five months to admit that I wanted to just "try it" one time. I thought adults didn’t take up new activities and hobbies and figured I was too old to begin anything. After my first lesson and my second, third, fourth…I discovered I loved these Arabian horses and riding. After dancing classical ballet for 21 years, I found a strong connection between riding and dancing. Both were extremely technical and took much concentration and correction. Also, both involved very definite control of one’s body and movements.
I had one very large hurdle, however, that I had never encountered before in my life. I was absolutely terrified of the horses. I loved being around them and riding, but I had tremendous anxiety that centered around two main fears: "What will he do next?" and "What if he runs away with me?" My fears consumed me to the point that it took me over a year to even try to canter.
In an attempt to overcome my fears, I bought my own horse thinking I would care for him so much I wouldn’t be afraid. That did not work. I tried riding several different horses, but that didn’t work either. My instructor (miraculously the same one who patiently out-waited me to bridle my first horse) tried everything to help me overcome my fears. I was very frustrated and had never experienced anything like this before. I did force myself to show my horse in four western pleasure classes at class A shows. Everything went fine and I did a reasonably good job, but my fear was overwhelming. I was making myself ill with worry and nerves at each show. I finally gave up and told my instructor I just could not put myself through this anymore and that maybe I just wasn’t cut out to be a rider.
Trusting Allincinc
About two months later, Allincinc arrived at our barn. Allincinc is an adorable chestnut purebred gelding with a huge white blaze on his face. He was sweet, but he didn’t look like much when he arrived. After his weight was up and he was back in shape, I rode him one night. I had seen a 10 year old ride him several times, and I figured if she didn’t die then maybe I would be all right. I made my daughter stand by to carry me to the emergency room if needed as I jogged him around the arena.
His jog was absolutely beautiful. As I put him into a lope, I remember thinking I was really stupid for trying this. Suddenly I began smiling, and as I went around my daughter called out encouragement. I kept going and began laughing out loud. I was doing it and I wasn’t scared.
My instructor said I could take Allincinc to the next class A show and try a couple of western pleasure classes. I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t help wondering if I could do it. The next month I entered two classes in a show. As I got on Allincinc in the warm-up arena all of my old fears and nerves came flooding back. My hands were shaking, and I was feeling sick again. I could have cried right there--I was so disappointed. I made myself jog into the arena with six other riders. As we entered the indoor arena, I suddenly felt Cinc’s entire body relax. My focus and attention were clear, and my hands stopped shaking (sort of). He didn’t go wild! He didn’t spook at anything at all! He did what I told him to do. When the class was finished, I was crying and thrilled with my fourth place ribbon. I had actually made it through a class and was not afraid.
Tears of Joy
After that, I took Allincinc to every class A show. We have even been to the 2002 Scottsdale Show. My fears threatened me a little there, but Allincinc was perfection. We even placed on one of the judges’ cards.
Since that first class, every ride has improved my mental well being. I could focus on all the things I was supposed to be doing instead of focusing on my fears. I now look at the show premiums when they arrive and try to do as many classes as I can instead of trying to just survive one class.
At our regional show, I was practicing with my instructor in the warm up arena. I just stopped in the middle of the 40-50 other horses and riders and burst into tears.
She quickly rode up to ask what had happened. Was I okay? What was I afraid of?
I could only cry harder and say, "Nothing…nothing at all. I’m not afraid of anything. That’s why I am crying!"
It just felt so amazing to be riding inside that great arena at a regional show and feel absolutely no fear. It was so fulfilling, and I was so happy. Allincinc, the little horse that barely knew any of us, had just blossomed. He had not only trusted us to take care of him in the show ring, he inspired my trust. This past year has boosted my confidence and made me realize that I can be a rider and compete in the show ring. I just needed the right equine partner to make me believe in myself.
